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Anonymous asked: what was your first love like? when did you experience it?

my memory is pretty shot for many reasons, but i’ll do the best i can. the first time i actually experienced a love worth typing about was with a boy named Jaz. it was in middle school and i’m not sure how old i was. there were these girls that came up to me one day (they ended up being some of my best friends later on) after school and told me that Jaz had a crush on me. i don’t remember how my love blossomed for this boy, but it later turned into a crazy obsession. we would talk on the phone and hang out after school sometimes. never kissed or touched or anything. i don’t think he even hugged me. we talked on the phone for hours and talked online. it was very short lived, as i recall. i remember one night we were on the phone for 9 hours and towards the end of the phone call, he told me he loved me. my heart exploded. then shortly after that, he distanced himself. i don’t know why, but i was crushed. i became obsessed with him. i stalked him. i called him all the time, i believe i texted him too. i tried talking to him online and it was so much for him that he eventually blocked me. he always told me to leave him alone. that didn’t stop me. i continuously made new screen names to talk to him. i cut his name into my left arm first, and then later cut his name into my right arm. you can still see it a little bit on the right arm because that isn’t my cutting arm. anyway, i remember being all about this boy for so many years. i remember hanging out with him once, outside of school. he held my hand and poured soda on my head and punched my arm. it was one of the happiest days of my life. eventually it stopped being the love it once was, and was just a weird obsession. his friends used to make fun of how “crazy” i was for him. i dated around, fell in different types of love with others, kind of forgot about him. he was always in the back of my mind, just like a treasure i kept as i continued to live my life and the crazy died down. it was too intense of a love and obsession to be dealing with at the time that i did, but i’ll always treasure it. eventually, my obsession faded and i got over it completely. i hung out with him twice after that way later in life, had talked to him a couple of times. we don’t talk anymore, don’t remember why and i don’t care. lol.

this was a really scattered story and hard to type out. i really just can’t put my memory back together, sometimes.